Machine Gun Kelly just turned 33 years old, which coincidentally is the same age the writer of this article is about to turn. And you can tell this writer is 33, because he has no idea why Machine Gun Kelly became famous in the first place. (Like, I know the guy’s vibe. And I saw him in the most recent Jackᴀss movie. But telling me, “He has seven studio albums worth of music” is like telling me, “There is no war in Ba Sing Se” or, “Oceania has always been at war with Eastasia.” I just don’t believe it. There are four lights, damn it, and you can’t tell me there are five).
But even if you have the same peripheral knowledge of Colson Baker (the government name of Mr. Machine Gun Kelly), you probably know enough to expect some elements of his birthday blowout, including a flamethrower and police helicopters. But one dessert, courtesy of his fiancee, Megan Fox, might surprise you.
Rather than opt for something edgy and extravagant, Fox apparently reached out to Mandel, a bakery based in Rhinebeck, New York, to order a cake that connected to Machine Gun Kelly’s roots. The bakery informed PEOPLE that Fox asked for a Kransekake, “which is a Norwegian dessert staple made of ground almonds and sugar. The cookie rings are stacked in size order and decorated with frosting.”
The choice of a Nordic dessert relates to one of Kelly’s immediate relatives: his mother is Norwegian. Fox, who is apparently still engaged to Kelly despite rumors of a split, appears to have opted for a more reserved birthday gift compared to the flamethrower antics. Perhaps as a way to say, “Dude, you’re in your thirties now. Chill out.”
And as a man of roughly equal age, this author would like to echo that sentiment. Colson, pal, if you’re reading this, it’s okay to relax a bit. Your twenties were the time for stimulants and erratic behavior. Your thirties? Now’s the time you start finding your favorite sugar-free sodas, my friend. Now’s when you start finding an old war to watch long, slow documentaries about. Hey, apparently you’re big into music. Have you heard Steely Dan’s Gaucho yet? That’s got some mellow jams that are just right for a guy our age. Take a breather, bud.